the inside jokes

The Wednesday group tosses around inside jokes every now and then, people laugh because the presentation is usually enough in itself to make people bust a gut laughing, but often they probably sorta wonder what we're talking about.... The sordid details follow...

Beware, without a good knowledge of mountain bike racing, they might sound awful dumb or very confusing..... if you don't ride, maybe look away now rather than begging for the last 5 minutes of your life back once you get done reading...

InsideJoke #1

One of the favorite pet phrases of Chris, Marni, and myself is "shattered on the side of the trail holding a Clif bar" referring to mentally and physically broken riders, pushing beyond their abilities, so tired that the only thing they know how to do is sit, eat and stare off in to the trees, just wishing they were back home, or anywhere but on the trail.

Such as this great example from Marni regarding White Ranch, "I had worked it up in my head to be an incredibly steep, loose, single track trail straight up the side of a hill -- going on for miles, surrounded by hissing rattlers, people stopped every few feet gasping for air, grown men crying on the side of the trail with a clif bar in hand and a stick to beat off the snakes in the other."

The true origins came from an mtbr.com post regarding race tactics. Some of the suggestions were to go out hard and stay in front. One of the posters, Berkeley Mike coined the phrase that cracks us up every time we say it:

"Going out hard and never looking back is not one of them for most riders; they end up shattered at the side of the trail looking bewildered with a Clif bar in their hands or walking through a sea of lactic acid not knowing where to look."

InsideJoke #2

Sometimes we joke around about the different bikes you see people riding and how your bike seems to get dumpier and more beat up in direct correlation to the number of years you've ridden.

The true origins of that one came from an mtbr.com post where someone was wondering what type of bike should be used for racing. Forkboy made the observation on the types of bikes he sees the different categories ride, and for the most part it was right on:

"Here's what I've noticed at the races

Beginner - Some enduro, or just older (heavy) FS bikes. Old hardtails (mid 90's)

Sport - Top of the line shiny & new $3500 FS race rigs with all the pimps and whistles

Expert - 2-5 yr old hardtails with beat up shifters & rim brakes, 2-3yr old scratched up SID forks, but very high dollar wheelsets & semi-slick race tires.

Pro - whatever they get paid to ride.

In your situation, it shouldn't matter what you ride in your first few races."

InsideJoke #3

"Oh, it's a rental bike? In that case, hand me that rock over there!"

This story came from a California road trip where we stopped at Mammoth Mountain for a day to go downhilling. Picked up rental bikes from the bike shop there, took the lift up, and noticed my crank seemed loose, nothing to do then but ride it.

Or not? Swooping down a big right-hander, the crank liberating itself from the bike and made a run for freedom. Hating its freedom, I quickly rolled to a stop and waited as people rode by before going to get it. Melissa made it there before I got back to it, she laughed and said, "look what somebody lost", she stopped laughing when I was standing there (with Clif bar in hand), but then laughed even harder.

Being a rental bike and having no tools, I was at the mercy of other trail users. This guy named Phil was nice enough to stop. He tightened it as hard as he could and said he'd rather not do it anymore as he didn't want to ruin my equipment. I told him it was a rental bike and he said, "Oh, it's a rental bike? In that case, hand me that rock over there." The situation that ensued went something like SMACK! Tighten.... SMACK! Tighten... One more time.... SMACK! Tighten... It was enough to get me mostly to the bottom of the trail at least and toss that piece of crap back in to the faces of the resort bike shop who simply said "thanks"...

InsideJoke #4

The Plesko 2005 Training Program

These days, you hear the word Plesko and you think of a hardcore maniac, doing Tour de Front Range and riding extra miles to get there, do it, and ride home. Many people would find this hard to believe now, but there was a time (take a guess, it might be the year before 2006) that Chris didn't like to ride his bike. In fact we could never even get him to come join us. The Plesko 2005 Training Program isn't one that you want to be on, we've all tried it one year or another and it's not too effective. You can read a lot more about it at the link to the Wednesday ride history.

It just so happened that Chris' bad year corresponded with a good year for me, and I was able to somehow outclimb him. This was before I worked really hard on becoming a good downhiller, he'd catch me on each downhill, and I'd pass him again on the climbs. The only race pic you'll ever see me ahead of him is right here! Ride on Chris, we're glad you're back!